Facebook was made for getting laid. Don’t make it sleazy.

by rahulbhagchandani

Disclaimer: Seriously, this is a witty rant piece. No offense meant to anyone – not to the people mentioned, not to the people not mentioned. Not even to Daryl Harper. Not even to Charlie Sheen. And not even to Lady Gaga.

Facebook was made for getting laid. Remember The Social Network? Well, if that story is to be believed, yes Facebook was made for getting laid. Okay I don’t mind that. I’d never mind that. But then when I look at my Facebook news feed I find more junk than the trashcan outside. And people cannot get laid by sprouting shit and all on their walls, can they now?

Confused? Well I know you are confused. Cos if you’re not, then this post’s opening failed. On a serious note though, if you are not sure what crap am I talking about don’t you assume the app-shite Facebook has – you know the Mafia f’in wars, the bimbo Farmville, spooky quizzes etcetera. We have a neat browser extension to clean up all that app junk did you know? Here. (See I’m giving tech advice even in a rant blog. Yes I know; thank you, thank you).

Anyhoo, I’m talking about the crummy and pouty and sad and lull statuses bum people put. You know the ones copied from the one and only, status f’in shuffle*. If you’re not aware about status shuffle, perhaps you don’t update your statuses regularly. But if you do update your statuses regularly and still don’t know about status shuffle, you’re a god. Mind me, GOD. No pun at all, no dog. But God. Honest. If you seriously don’t know about status shuffle, it’s a simple app where one can browse and then copy paste (duh!) statuses. Statuses are categorized too. Wow.  And that’s what wets the thirteen years old these days. And also wets the twenty-ish year olds with brains of thirteen years olds. Girls, boys, etcetera, everyone feels putting them is somehow sheeny. I say it’s more like Charlie Sheen.

Bad pun. I know. Sorry.

But coming back to the point, I guess those Charlie Sheens think that they might get laid putting up such torturous content. Well if you do, no hotshot you cannot. Instead your posts will end up in the “hidden posts” section of Facebook. True story.  You may ask, do I mean to say people are not allowed to express themselves at Facebook? No dude, no. Dare you misunderstand me. Facebook is for expressing yourself, express. Go, speak. However, not being able to express yourself and then using status shuffle is seriously wussy. Please, don’t do that. No one should do that. Not even Daryl Harper.

Alright yeah, I get it. Your crush crushed you. But don’t you dare think she’s ever gonna take you back if you put up such stuff. Forget it. And anyway, you cannot be this lame and harass people in your friend list. A lil secret for ya, two years down the lane, for a couple of weeks, I actually used to do that. Put up such statuses. But then those few weeks later, I came across Lamebook. And by god, it changed me.

(Hey champ if you think one of my statuses popped up on Lamebook or what; no, nothing like that happened. It’s just that one intelligent champ just like you once said, A wise man learns by the mistakes of others, a fool by his own.)

You know if it weren’t for such bum people there wouldn’t have been a Lamebook existing. Status Shuffle would have vented out its operations and perhaps, there might not have been a Facebook, and everyone would still be bumming on MySpace with Lady Gaga.

But sadly, there are such bum people. And there is Facebook with Lady Gaga’s page having the second most number of likes. And MySpace was sold for $35m with Justin Timberlake as its part owner. So the world is not what I thought it could have been.

Facebook is there. And it was made for getting laid. Please let it be so. Make people laugh. Using Status Shuffle for funny statuses is still okay. Go ahead, make people smile. Put up your own emotions. No problem. But don’t tell this status’ emotion matches mine. How could that ever be possible? At times might be, but still NO. Put up lyrics. Good ones. And make puns. Make them. Do not status shuffle.

Facebook was made for getting laid. Don’t make it sleazy. If you don’t believe, watch the following clip featuring Mark Zuckerberg and Eduardo Saverin.

*Now I don’t know but just in case if status shuffle got defunct or lost its’ #1 spot as status app, replace it with whatever similar app there is. Everything such subtracts, names barely matter.